


Long Distance

by cafephan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009!phan, Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:52:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3602217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafephan/pseuds/cafephan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only two days after Dan and Phil met for the first time, they were separated once again. Dan consistently tries to get in contact with Phil, but he seems to be blocking all contact.</p>
<p>Based heavily on 'Long Distance' by Megan and Liz, I recommend listening as you read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long Distance

After the fourth consecutive voicemail greeting, Dan sighed and leaned back against the headboard of his bed, glaring at his phone in front of him. He knew that Phil wasn’t filming any videos for at least another three days, and that was the only time he wouldn’t reply, any other time Phil would make it his mission to reply to Dan as soon as humanly possible. It had been like this for days, now, and all the calls, texts, Facebook messages, Twitter DMs and Skype calls had gone unanswered. It was so out of character for Phil to act such a way, nevertheless around Dan.

Dan looked around his room, at all the posters and band merch he had laying around, littering the walls and floor. Everything reminded him of Phil. Everything made him reminisce, whether it be that the band’s music was playing the first time they kissed, the first time Phil said he thinks he could really be falling for Dan…

Memories were all they seemed to be now, not a satisfactory start to something they’ll finish at a later date, which was Dan’s ideal. It wasn’t like he wasn’t considerate, he was, he waited patiently for a reply for the first day, understanding and respecting that Phil needed to tidy his house after Dan’s visit and go to see his friends and whatnot as he had spent the entirety of Dan’s visit with him and him alone. 

Dan just wanted Phil to feel the same.

Everyone had always told Dan, ever since he was a child barely young enough to capacitate language, that he needed to be careful. Not to be near sharp objects, not to play with fire, not to tempt fate with stupid superstitions. He just wished someone had warned him about his first heartbreak. But Dan concluded that this, what he was going through now, was much worse than a breakup. It was one-sided, brutal, with no indication why.

It wasn’t like Dan had suffered anything like it in the past, either, not even the friendship equivalent. He had always been a private boy, keeping himself to himself and that’s how he liked it, which was fortunate because that’s the way he was forced to be. Phil was the first and only person to know the in-depth Dan, the one who was passionate about music and video games and how the persistent bullying really made him feel, that he couldn’t simply shrug it off as he tried so hard to make it seem. And for what? 

He wouldn’t let himself cry, he wouldn’t let himself scream. He sat in silence, propped up against the headboard just staring at his phone, each tear that was teetering back and forth on his waterline making the device harder to see, and even harder to see the message that was displayed when the screen illuminated.

Without a second to contemplate, Dan blinked the tears away as best he could and snatched his phone, unlocking it as quick as his fingers would allow. 

The phone company.

The fucking phone company promoting a shitty marketing campaign that nobody would ever give a damn about.

Not Phil, not the boy he’d confided his whole life and his biggest fears and secrets to.

The phone company who would not give a damn if he just died.

Who would?? 

Evidently not Phil.

Dan threw his phone to the floor, not daring to spend another second looking at his phone background, of course of he and Phil from the morning after their first night together, hair dishevelled and Phil placing a sleepy kiss onto Dan’s cheek, whilst Dan grinned widely, genuinely.

Dan compared himself in the picture to how he looked now.

Tears had started falling involuntarily at some point without him noticing and were creating shiny tracks down both cheeks, dotting his carpet. The bags around his eyes were prominent and dark, for once not caused by all-nighters on the internet (Dan hadn’t been online for hours, nearly a full day), but the result of staying up all night for days on end staring at his phone, willing for it to receive contact from Phil. 

But it didn’t.

Dan caught sight of something stuck in the corner of his mirror frame, a piece of paper that had curled over on itself thus hiding its content. He unrolled the paper and almost immediately it was dampened by a stream of tears. 

A screenshot Dan had taken from the very first video of Phil’s that he ever watched. 

He wanted to remember the first time he’d felt genuinely happy, finding another boy with the same lost eyes, hidden behind an ocean blue of tranquillity that Dan fell into instantaneously, mesmerised was as close as words could come to describing the event. But Dan could tell something deeper was going on with the boy on YouTube, he had a hunch that maybe, just maybe, the boy was going through or had gone through – and survived – the same thing as Dan. And made him believe that maybe he could do the same thing.

Dan held the screenshot in his shaking grip, and studied Phil’s face, every inch of it perfection. Not a microscopic element of Phil would he change, not a hair on his head. Eventually Dan reached Phil’s lips on the picture, and the paper was squeezed tighter in his grip. 

The very same pink lips that Dan felt against his own merely days ago, the very same lips that spoke against Dan’s own – I’m so glad you’re finally here.

Phil’s arms in the screenshot were simply down by his sides, such a casual position. But again, it was so much more for Dan.

They were the arms that looped around Dan’s waist as soon as Phil found him at the train station, luggage forgotten about completely as they just stood in each other’s embrace.  
They were the arms that gracefully wrapped around Dan’s neck as they danced in the moonlight, completely clichéd but utterly perfect in the moment. Any excuse for them to be closer to each other.

The hands that caressed Dan in such a way he could not even begin to put into words.

The hands that enveloped Dan’s own as Phil eagerly showed Dan his bedroom, and beamed brightly upon seeing the awe-struck younger marvel at the background of his favourite Internet star.

His favourite person ever, Dan would argue, and Phil would roll his eyes playfully.

Dan smiled slightly at the memory, as soon after came their first kiss. It was gentle, barely there, and not enough for Dan at all. Phil looked down at Dan afterwards, as if looking for consent before he repeated the action. Dan grinned and leaned up to kiss Phil, with as much passion and feeling as he could possibly muster.

“You’re too young to know what you want” Phil would tell the eighteen year old, and Dan would shake his head.

“You’re not much older! But I know that I want you” Dan would insist every time, and would lean up to kiss the other boy once again.

“Well that’s good, I’m glad you have your priorities in life” Phil would joke, and Dan would pout, completely baffled as to why Phil couldn’t see how much he meant to him.

“Also convenient, because I want you too” Phil would add eventually, and would then dip his head to convey the sincerity of his words via a kiss.

Dan tucked the paper back inside the mirror frame and made his way back over to his bed, and perched on the end. He had read somewhere, probably Tumblr, that when you find someone you love, like really love, they do actually take a piece of you. They take your affection, they take your own love that’s locked away deep inside, they take away your sadness and replace it with sheer bliss.

And, as much as he tried to deny it to console himself, Dan knew Phil was still taking all but the latter from Dan, even though he seemed to be a million miles away, and was refusing contact for whatever reason thus seeming a million more.

Out of habit by now, Dan dialled Phil’s number, and prayed for a response. He crossed his fingers and even his legs, for double luck, but the generic robotic voicemail tone was all that greeted him.

For a split second, the thought disappearing as soon as it appeared, Dan almost wished they didn’t meet. He almost wished he didn’t pay an extortionate price for the train ticket. He almost wished he didn’t stay up for the two nights before they met, preparing exactly what to say. He almost wished he didn’t rehearse again and again the perfect way to tell Phil he loved him. 

Because he did, despite what anyone else thought.

Hell, he still does. Current scenario and all.

He left Manchester wondering what he and Phil were to each other, not knowing a certain, definitive answer. Phil assured him they would sort everything out once Dan got home, they would get their feelings completely out in the open after experiencing each other in the flesh.

Dan still found himself holding onto the little things, like the way the sun peeked out from the clouds upon their first embrace, and how the lamplight bounced off of Phil’s cheek as he buried his head in the crook of Dan’s neck. How genuine Phil sounded when he begged and sobbed I don’t want you to leave.

He wanted to know how Phil was doing, not even if he was thinking about Dan. He just wanted to know the mundane things he would tell his viewers, like what happened to him in town or what the delivery guy said to him. But no videos were uploaded since before Dan visited, the latest one being the one that Dan helped Phil to edit.

He just wanted Phil to pretend to feel the same, just for a second. He wanted to know where he stood with the boy he loved.

Dan took a deep breath and got up from his bed, and walked over to his desk, hastily switching on his laptop and logging in as quickly as was allowed for the first time in about a day, he’d been cut off from social media completely, focusing only on his phone, the redial button, and trying not to be heard by his parents.

“Please, Phil. For me” Dan begged, his voice cracking at the end of the utterance.

He opened up Facebook and Twitter, not daring to attempt Skype in his current state of appearance.

‘Dan Howell to Phil Lester: I really miss you x’  
Message not sent. Intended recipient is not a friend of yours.

With a rapidly clouding vision and increasingly dampening waterline once again, Dan switched to the Twitter tab, clinging on to the last miniscule wisp of hope he had left. Most were dashed and ripped to shreds already. 

Focusing on his laptop rather than his uncontrollable streaming eyes, Dan shakily typed.

‘@danisnotonfire to @AmazingPhil: I really miss you, Phil x’  
Message not sent. Recipient does not follow you.

**Author's Note:**

> This work features in my 'Phan compilation' on my profile and my phanfiction blog ( cafephan.tumblr.com )


End file.
